How I empathise with my toddler
When I was first introduced to behavioural science, it felt like witnessing a magician reveal her secrets. For me, understanding human behaviour is like understanding the code (Matrix reference) behind our everyday actions. What’s even more compelling is how one can use these insights to shape experiences to drive changes in customer behaviour.
This is where my toddler comes into this story.
Almost two years ago my wife and I became parents to our awesome little guy, Leon. Since then, it’s been a rollercoaster of new responsibilities and sleepless nights, but also the joy of witnessing emotion at its purest.
I’ll be honest, there are many, many times when his emotions or decisions leave us discombobulated and frustrated with a short fuse. Without Google Translate for babies, what else can be done to help parents deal with emotions we don’t understand?
Navigating emotions of toddlers
Recently, I read the following from an article on NYT on why we feel blah during the pandemic
Psychologists find that one of the best strategies for managing emotions is to name them … It gives us a familiar vocabulary to understand what had felt like an unfamiliar experience … It helped us crystallize lessons from our own past resilience — and gain confidence in our ability to face present adversity.
In a nutshell, it argues that if we can label emotions, this empowers us to process them and move on.
So in no particular order, here is my ‘study’ on 7 behavioural science theories against Leon’s irrational behaviours. While science may not explain every weird and wonderful thing he does, these are good reminders for me that he isn’t a complete alien.
Scarcity bias - we value things that aren't in abundance.
Leon is constantly showered with love from his Bà ngoại (Nan), she gives him 100% attention, at all times. This is not the case with his Ông ngoại (Pop). The time and attention he reserves for Leon is significantly less. Yet, when given a choice, 9 out of 10 times he will choose Ông ngoại!
Anchoring bias - where we are influenced by a particular reference point.
When Leon was a baby, he loved steamed broccoli. He lived for it. He didn’t have another anchor for ‘yummy’ aside from other, similar bland food. Then he was introduced to spaghetti bolognese and he never touched another broccoli again. His anchor for ‘yummy’ changed!
Affect heuristic - our current emotions influence our judgement and decisions.
Recently we were introduced to tantrums (fun). There’s little you can do when Leon is tired and throwing a tantrum, aside from patiently waiting for his hormones to subside and/or he becomes fatigued. In a heightened state of emotion, we’ve learned we can’t expect to influence him with anything rational. Breathe!
Trigger - nudges can remind and motivate action.
It didn’t take long for Leon to figure out TV and with it The Wiggles, Bluey, and Sesame Street. We discovered the remote control on the sofa would trigger him to immediately demand us to put him onto the sofa and turn a program on. So we tried hiding the remote. Surprisingly, without this visual cue (the trigger), he rarely demands to watch TV even when it’s right there in front of him.
Endowment effect - we put more value on things that we own.
When we're out and about, we try to stop Leon from touching anything that he can’t take. It's not that we're worried about germs or that he’ll damage it, but we believe once he has touched something it becomes ‘his'. It’s then ridiculously hard to pry his new treasure out from his tiny, yet strangely robust fingers.
Loss aversion - we value losses more than equivalent gains.
Leon is great at giving cuddles. Usually, he decides whether he will give you a hug or not, no matter how desperate your plea. There is, however, one trick that never fails in getting a hug from him. If I give my wife a big bear hug in his view, Leon is sure to pitter-patter his way and join to avoid losing out. Can also be explained by ‘Competition bias’, or #FOMO.
Priming - subtle visual or verbal suggestions influence how we respond.
Leon, for whatever reason, hates nappy changes in the mornings. On the other hand, he loves going to childcare (mind you, it took him 6 months to warm up to it). One of the tricks I’ve found to help with his nappy changes on mornings where he goes to childcare is to keep his backpack in view. I assume it primes him of the fun that’s coming up, and so he begrudgingly accepts the momentary inconvenience.
Let me know if you have your own ideas to add to this extremely scientific ‘study’. Behavioural science is a fascinating tool to apply in both design and my daily life. Thanks for reading!